Mental Health, Personal Blog

Don’t brush it under the rug

In my last four posts I have written about my struggles with anxiety and depression. I have also talked about the different types, symptoms and treatments of depression. Though the real issue with depression is “the ugly sides”. You know the days, and weeks where you can’t get out of bed or brush your teeth, let alone bathe. You stay in bed unless you have kids then you don’t have that option so then you are walking around the house like a zombie. Letting your kids have run of the house, they are having cookies for breakfast and cereal for dinner because you have no energy to cook.
 
Before I had Elijah in 2016 there would be times I would spend a week in my bed at a time on occasions. I would get up, go to the bathroom and get something to eat or drink. By time I actually got up my hair was matted together and I smelled bad. I won’t lie. I had dark circles under my eyes, I was still in the same clothes I had been in and all I had done was sleep and watch TV.  People always asked where I went or what happened to me if I didn’t show up to something. I was bad abut making excuses because I didn’t want anyone to know what I was going through. My best friend didn’t even know at the time. I didn’t want the “poor me” or any attention, I wanted to be left alone.
 
Having depression and anxiety when you are a parent is hard because you don’t have the option of staying in bed. Your kids need you and they will always come first. You have to be strong when you are at your weakest for those babies. With depression it takes everything you don’t want to do. If you are depressed and got out of bed today, I am proud of you!
 
Having a mental illness is a real bitch because I am also OCD. I want to get things done but there are times when my depression gets the best of me. I don’t get things on my list done when my depression flares then my anxiety kicks in.
 
I had a severe panic attack to the point where I was struggling to calm down and breath. Dalton almost called 911 because I couldn’t calm down.  I need some new coping skills because currently I shut down. I don’t talk and I get angry.
 
I’ve had some of my amazing followers send me some questions I’d go ahead and answer them.
 
  1. Have you ever been admitted for a mental evaluation?
 
No I haven’t. There have been a few times I have considered going and admitting myself when I was having suicidal thoughts.
 
  1. How long did it take for medicine to really work?
 
My psychiatrist told me it takes approximately 30 days of taking it daily. I started feeling a difference after a couple doses.
 
  1. What happened at your first psychiatrist appointment?
 
Once I met my psychiatrist he wanted to get my basic information about me to get to know me. Then he wanted to know “my story” when my depression started, my symptoms, medications that I have tried and taken.
 
  1. How did you get the courage to write your blog and be so open for anyone to see?
 
Dealing with depression and anxiety is a terrible thing to deal with especially if you suffer silently like I was. I didn’t want anyone to know because I felt like a failure. I decided to tell my story to bring awareness. Depression and anxiety is not a failure and it should be made more aware so maybe I can help someone.
 
  1. How did your husband handle your depression?
We struggled for a long time with trying to understand my anxiety and depression. How could I expect him to understand it when I didn’t understand it myself? I expected him to understand it though at the time. I have a very hard time communicating and he struggled to understand why I was acting the way I was and I couldn’t explain it to him.
 
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to this picture. I am not a medical professional, if you are having a medical emergency please contact 911 immediately. This post is for informational purposes only. If you believe you have a medical issue contact your local medical provider.

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